Monday, September 14, 2009

Mad Mury and the last donut

Ok... I never in my entire life have known a Mury... not even a mad one. You gotta admit, the title is provocative, though. I have a sneaking suspicion there will be little discussion of dounts in this blog as well.
I have been living in Florida for about three and a half months now. Lots of reasons from economy to will to live forced my move from Pennsylvania. I don't regret a minute of it. Well, there were those minutes I spent driving through Alabama....those I kind of regret. Imagine driving five hundred miles to a place you've never been and they celebrate your arrival by digging up every freeking road in the state and hiding all the traffic signs. Not pretty. I have a GPS unit and I would beg the little darling to help me find my way through the state but all I got in reply was,
"In three miles...turn are they moving the roads? OK...try staying on this road for another five this road turns into a dead end in six hundred feet...TURN RIGHT.... TURN RIGHT... FOR THE LOVE OF GOD TURN RIGHT NOW!!!!!"
I was sitting in a cold sweat in the parking lot of an abandoned fried food place that seemed to cater to people who might like....possum?
The GPS comes back on...
"Sorry about that...I thought I saw a black hole forming in front of us."
"It's ok," I said. "No harm done. do I get out of here?"
"Take first legal U turn and drive for sixty three miles..." the GPS responded.
I considered these new directions.
"But... that would take me north. I'm heading to Florida. I need to be heading south."
The GPS sighed. I know it can't sigh because it is a computerized device...but it sighed.
"Dude..." it whispered. "You're in freekin Alabama... If we can sneak sixty three miles north before they change the roads again, we can be outta this place and I can show you a sweet short cut through Texas."
"Texas doesn't sound like much of a short cut." I countered.
"It's a time space continuum thingy..." the GPS responded. "Trust me... detouring through Texas will feel faster than driving through Alabama."

My GPS is very smart...and I found a nice donut shop in Texas that didn't serve anything remotely related to possum. Come to think of it... the guy who ran the donut shop was named Mury and he was pretty pissed about all the traffic coming from out of state. Seems he felt people from out of state were bad drivers with very little consideration for the local folks. He was quite blunt with his accusations and for a few minutes, I even considered not purchasing my donut because of his attitude.
It was Boston cream... odd to get Boston cream in Texas, I guess, but I really wanted the donut so I paid the guy his $1.19 and took my sugary treat away. In an effort to show not all out of towners are jerks, I paid careful attention to signaling and watching my mirrors as I slowly back my large moving van out of the main lobby of his donut shop. I even managed to ease around the pesky power pole that had fallen across his parking lot and crushed his 4x4 pickup truck when I hit it while driving in to the store.

Florida is a great place to live. The sun shines daily and the beaches are among the most beautiful in the world. The people are, for the most part, quite friendly and the food is fantastic. Almost none of it tastes like possum.
It's difficult to get depressed in a place where women routinely wear bikini's to Wal Mart. I have to say, after all that happened to me in Pennsylvania, the move to this beach paradise was the smartest thing I've done. Anyone who might be interested in checking out my status can visit my site at for current info and maybe even some humor. I also have a bunch of coupons for Murys Donut shop in Texas but I don't know if I can recommend sending people there. The guy kind of has an attitude problem.